Another day gone

Every morning I wake up with my pillow soaked from all the tears I've cried. Frustrated that I'm living like this. Dan called me yesterday and we talked for 40 minutes about lots of stuff. He told me he knows its over but loves me and cares about me. I asked him why he stared at me the other day and he said "because you're beautiful Christina, you're a beautiful person". I said ok then why are we breaking up. And he said "because you drive me crazy". Do you know how many times he's driven me up the wall? How many times I've had to bite my lip because I just wanted to scream at him? But love forgives all those shortcomings, or so I thought. I hate this. I just want to be with him and he with me. No one will understand, everyone thinks I should get over him but I don't want to quit yet.

Laying In bed

Just laying here with my dogs wondering what today will bring. Got to go look at places to live. This really sucks. I don't want to start from scratch again. Dan and I actually had fun last night. He had to leave for work but we laughed and I caught him starring at me several times. So what am I doing? Have no clue.

The end of one life

It all happened so fast. I still am whirling with disbelief that the man I love decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore. It's weird how one minute you can look ahead and see a clear future. Where you'll get married, buy a house, retire. Then in a flash all is ripped right out from beneath you. I've cried so many tears to the point of exhaustion. Made myself sick from not eating and drinking myself into a stuper. Running around trying to find someone to listen to me sob and help me make sense of this madness. But nothing helps, no one can make sense. He himself can't make sense. Tells me he still loves and will live to regret this but still stands firm on not wanting me here. When did it go wrong? I know I'm difficult and not trusting and sensitive but so much so to drive the man I love away? Or is it just him? Scared of growing up, scared of having responsibility? He tells me I always get my way and when I look back that is not true at all. I followed him through jobs, backed him up when he wanted his daughter with us and even though I changed cities for him he clearly doesn't see the sacrifices I've made in the name of love. All he sees is my sadness at not having anyone to talk to. My complaining when his daughter wouldn't listen to me. I just thought him loving me meant loving me, no matter what. I thought he being my best friend would allow me to vent when i was frustrated. Now I feel betrayed because he promised he'd never hurt me again and now he's pushing me away without really giving me a reason. I'm depressed and sick and tired of giving all of myself and then getting pushed away when the going gets a little tough. Is there anyone out there that will just love me? For who I am?

Dans 31st

We had a simple party at Dans dads out in Lynn. Some friends came down from Kingston and Barrie. I got dollar store decorations, disco ball, transformers picture backdrop, whooping cushion and cheesy sunglasses for fun.

Museum

Kassy Dan and I finally went to do something fun in Ottawa and we went to the museum of nature. Here are some pictures of the amazing things we saw...

Our home

We have only been in Ottawa a month but Dan and I have always liked sprucing up even our rentals to feel like home, here are a few pictures o the little touches we've done so far....

New home

We've moved! Ottawa is now our new home and we're thrilled about the life change. Here are some pictures of our new place.