2014 so far

I feel like I've changed everything about my life and yet it hasn't gotten any better. I don't know why I keep failing and struggling with who I am and what I'm supposed to do. I feel I'm getting older and no wiser. I'm so frustrated with my personal life I feel I'm falling into a deep dark whole and I can't get out. I cry, but not soft tears, more like a hurricane. The last 6 months have been hard. Craig was amazing in the beginning and then little by little just became reclusive and distant. He says it's not me he's says I gave him hope and that made him try so hard at first but old habits die hard. We've been in this slump for awhile. He told me things that were hurtful and hard to hear. I have become more uncaring and hurtful. I think I'm just fed up. I always try so hard and when it's not reciprocated I fall apart. This time I was trying to deal and do what he suggested to make me happy but that turned to shit. It made me feel cold inside. I don't want to be cold. I'm full of love even when it hurts I don't want to lose that part of me. It's the last bit of innocence I have.