It's been over a month now and I'm still struggling to figure out happiness in my own way. I'm finding it hard to focus on myself because whenever I do I just go back to old thoughts.
Doing well while at work, it keeps my mind occupied. Ive been spending time with various people to see if anyone interests me. Some do, I spent time with an old friend today and I wouldn't say it was exciting because it was more sad than anything but seeing his face comforted me in a way that I can't really put into words. He said things that made me wonder about my life even more than Ive already been for months.
I'm still sad. I miss Dan, I know he's lost but the man Ive loved for 5 years is still there somewhere even if he doesn't know it now. He tells me he loves me but is lost and hurting and doesn't have room for loving thoughts. And so I told him I'm lost to Dan, but the only thing that makes me sane is knowing I have love in my heart. I will never fight those feelings. All you need is love.
And I truly believe that. I have so much love that it spills out and touches people in a way I'm just starting to understand. I don't know what kind of effect I have on people and I don't think they know either until its over and all we are left with is our memories and thoughts.
That's really all we have isn't it?
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