It's been awhile

I haven't posted anything in awhile because I was told that my posts may be to candid and so I backed off a bit. But honestly who cares. No one reads this anyways....I'm just one in a million random people out there who says things in a somewhat public forum. I'm sad....I've been sad for years. I've never really found a place that made me feel safe or secure or complete. I was clinging onto things for awhile trying to get a glimpse of what I had. But it didn't stick. Why would it? I had this life that wasn't perfect but had it's moments. To which I held onto sometimes blindly. Nevertheless I had that. And honestly having what may be an illusion to some people was a reality for awhile. And a good one. My eyes were shut to a lot of the wrong doings...and things fell apart when my eyes opened. I've been living in a state of awareness ever since and can't ever find peace. I'm always looking for someone to talk to me, love me...even for a moment. Because after all I've been through...a moment is all that matters. I just wish they lasted longer.