I just woke up with tears streaming down my face. I gasped for breath trying to remember where I am. And then it all comes back to me. The love of my life wasn't sure if we had a future, said he needed time. With this time what did he do? He partied and expected me to stay there watching all of this go on, saying nothing. So I packed up and decided to move across the country because his behaviour hurt me so much I couldn't bare it anymore. Now he misses me which I knew he would because I'm amazing. I gave everything I had to that relationship even if it meant not making friends because I had a kid to take care of and a house to clean and dinner to cook after working 9 hours. Ya I would bitch about being unhappy and lonely because even though I was doing all of this I felt neglected and unappreciated. He didn't even respect me enough to call or text me for hours on end when he'd go out letting me think the worst and then giving me shit because I texted or called him throughout the night. That's called a relationship. You communicate because you care not because you have to.
So that's why he decided to take time, because he didn't like that I was unhappy. But Instead of trying to make me happy he thought about himself. Lets go to all these events without inviting her. Getting drunk with my new friends is way more important than fixing my 5 year relationship. She doesn't matter only I do.
God why couldn't he just be the same nice man I feel in love with? Who is this self centred party boy that he's become? It's sad and I feel for him because these so called friends won't last, they never do. They'll get sick of him or he'll get sick of them and then what? I hope one day he sees what's going on and figures out what he wants. All I can do is try to live my life and stop all of this obsessing. It's about me now, you know how hard it is to focus on myself when all I've done for years is care for others? Ahhh! I have to try.
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