Oh what a night

Dan, Kassy and I had such a wonderful time with all of you this Christmas. I know the official date hasn't passed but our time together was wonderful. We really love you guys and already miss you all terribly. Thank you for putting up with us and letting us be wild and play and do what we do. When I get my cd of photos from Marieanne (hint hint) I will post some of them!

Christmas just around the corner

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I've been working my tail off, but I like keeping busy. Dan and I have done all of our Christmas shopping and talked about how long it has been for both of us to have spent it with family on Christmas. Dad always throws a shin dig which is awesome but I believe it's been close to six years since I've been able to spend it with mom and my siblings. Same for Dan a good few years since his mom has been around to spend Christmas with us.

So our plan is action packed but I'm so thrilled it's all gonna work out. First we have Kassy's birthday on the 19th, we will then head to dad's on the 21st, on to Toronto on the 22nd (yippie), then back to work for the 22nd and the 23rd, on the 24th Dan and I are alone, then off to Brockville on the 25th with Dan's dad, and then back home and another Christmas with Dan's mom on the 26th. Whew...it's exhausting just thinking about it, but I really really can't wait.

So be prepared all, we have some treats on the way for you all as it has been forever and this is a very special Christmas for us. Love love love.

Not much going on lately

Jaana and I received word about the children's book we had done, and so far no go. But we're gonna keep trying. I have been happy and busy lately. Not much to talk about though, just waiting for the holidays so I can see my family. I miss you all so much. Dan is still working out of town a lot but he'll be laid off work for the winter soon, so he'll be bored at home a lot. Ha!
It looks like you guys in Toronto are keeping busy with all the crazy hair, hat and costume parties. Looks like fun.

Working towards Christmas

We have been having a hard time at work lately. We no longer have our manager so the three of us girls working have been putting in long long hours without days off. I'm tired and Christmas is coming so it's good about the money but hard on me physically. I'm hoping I'll be able to work out a weekend to visit family in Toronto but it's gonna be hard. I'll keep ya'll posted though. xoxox

Halloween

This halloween Dan and I went as "Little bo peep and her sheep" I made Dan's costume out of two shirts and sewed lamb ears to one of his hats. I thought he looked so cute, my outfit was store bought, but overall I thought we look pretty good.

Poetry news

I just received another notification that I will now have THREE poems published in the book "Immortal Verses" due to be out in January. So that is awesome. It is blustery and cold and feels like time is flying by so quickly. I'm doing well at work as always and Dan is out of town again. He was able to come home most nights this week, but he is gone tonight and I already miss him. (such a sap I am) I am missing my family, hope everyone is well. I would like to see everyone soon. Pictures will be posted tonight, PROMISE!!!

After that

This weekend we had Kassy and we went shopping. Since Dan's mom moved out we wanted to get our little home more cozy. So we got some necessities like a swiffer and a dish rack that doesn't fall over, and some pretty stuff like a vase and some dried asian reeds to put in it, some new dishes a rug. Then we got Kassy some clothes and me a snow boarder suit because Dan is apparently taking me skiing for my birthday. We found one that was almost $200 cheaper than anywhere else we had looked so we got lucky. I can't wait to freeze and fall on my butt. HA! We also found Dan a bicycle at a yard sale that we got him and he's gonna fix up, he wants me to get one to but I think we may wait till next spring for that buy.
I have pictures of our new stuff so I will put them up when I get home tonight. Other than that Kassy and I played chess and she's pretty good for a little girl while Dan watched his UFC. Nice quiet weekend and now back to work for the week.

Another Thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving everyone. I hope you all enjoyed a good Canadian thanksgiving. I know it's weird that's it's in October I'm still not used to it living in the States and having it in November.



Dan and I didn't really have a dinner with family or anything because his grandfather passed away this weekend. We did take a walk and ate a nice meal out just the two of us and it was sweet. We are definitely sad to have lost his grandfather. He was 89 years old and had been a farmer and had worked hard his whole life. He had recently broken his hip and hadn't been able to work out in the fields which frustrated him, he then came down with pneumonia which took it's toll on him and he eventually let go. We are going to the funeral tomorrow in Brockville.
So please pray for Dan as he is upset about this loss.

I will be uploading pics this weekend I promise, some with our pumpkin carvings as well. Oh and Dan's mom moved out..YIPPEE! We have really enjoyed this last week with our privacy reinstated, we have forgotten how lovely it is to be a couple alone in our home. Awesome.

Taking time to appreciate the little things

September is nearly over and life is good. Dan and I hit a bump in the road but managed to get past it and have become stronger than ever. He is working out of town more and more which I hate but we are dealing with it as well as expected. Jo-Anne (Dan's mom) will be finally leaving us and getting her own place as of Oct 1st. Yippee. Freedom! No, it's just been cramped and hard on all of us having an additional person in our place, it's going to be nice to get back to normal. Work has been crazy but is finally slowing down now. Eileen (my co-worker) and I are the two top sales reps in our district, and we both work in the same store so it looks good on us. I am happy and feeling more like a confident and strong independent woman every day. I recently had my hair cut, (by recently I mean yesterday) I am a blondie and it's quite short but funky looking, nothing but compliments which I can never get tired of hearing. Ha! Over all things are good and I am happy. Hope all is well with you all, I pray for your strength and happiness.

This is today

I haven't blogged in awhile, it's just been a sand storm lately. Work has been beyond crazy, so much so that I didn't take any breaks all week which lead to me having a bladder infection. Boo. Oh well. Dan is working out of town and is going to be continuing out of town apparently for the next few weeks, which really really sucks. I'm having separation anxiety...ha ha! Anyways, hope all is well with you, I hope to see you soon. Love love.

Just another day

My new blog is near completion, I have a few more pics to add. So spread the word. I won't be adding more unless I get more work done. So if you know anyone looking for an artist for a painting or business card or whatever send them to my site I have my contact information on there for access.

Things at home have gotten 100% better, my fears and doubts were uncalled for and I'm trying to deal with my issues on a day to day basis. Dan and I are strong and will fight for each other, thats what makes us so great. The love that we have will allow us to have our ups and downs yet keep us together.

Thank you mom for your words of encouragment, they gave me strength and confidence in myself. I only hope to be as mature and patient as you.

Whats new in our lives

I'm becoming depressed right now cause we just found out that Dan has to leave town for work for awhile. I don't like this at all cause his mom is still staying with us till the end of the month which means her and I will be alone for a bit. I also don't like it cause it makes me nervous. I know I shouldn't be, but my past has really screwed me up in trusting people. Dan is trying to make me feel better about it, but no matter what he says I just feel flustered and my stomach is in knots. Does anyone have any advice for me? I really need help dealing with this one. I'm becoming angry for no reason, short with him and those around me. All this because of an overactive imagination about things that haven't or may not happen.

New blog

I've created my new artist's blog it's named lavignesgallery.blogspot.com I haven't put much work up yet it's a slow process getting things to look good but it will be coming along. So check it out and tell anyone who wants to see some of my work.

Wonderful time

Hey all, we all had a great time with you. It's always so nice to get together and spend time, especially after all those years apart. I'm back to work again, and I'm not glad. Oh well gotta make the big bucks right?
Dan's birthday is coming up, I'm trying to work out time off for it but it's back to school time of year and we aren't supposed to take time off around then but I'm hoping for just a few days. Love you all and again so glad to have spent that time with you. Oh and Happy birthday little brother call me when you can for a visit. MUAH!

Waiting for a day off

Today is my sixth day at work in a row....I'm tired. We had to pick up Kassy after work last night so didn't get home till around 9pm. We watched a disney cartoon and it was fun. There were people already waiting when we came to open this morning so a bit of a rush to start the day. If it's busy though time will fly. I guess Dan is already walking down here to see me. And he's bringing me a milkshake. Yummy! See you all tonight.

And yet another month has come and gone

I'm very excited that this weekend we will finally be able to come down for a real visit. Mom says board games and pizza. Sounds like a fun night. On another note, Jaana and I have finally completed and sent our book away for publishing! YIPPIE. Now it could be almost six months or more before we hear back is what I've been told so fingers crossed that it gets picked up.
Home life is great, well between Dan and I. It's becoming more and more difficult having an extra person around. I sometimes feel like I'm being selfish but I've been taken advantage of before and feel as though we are now. Unfortunately to say the least. It would be nice to get our place back to ourselves but I suppose helping out someone in need is important as well. I just hope this time doesn't ruin the relationship I have with her because she is a relative and we will be seeing each other through the years and it would be nice to keep it civil.
Anyways, thats all folks.

Reunion pics

bros being bros

getting sleepy

ME

did someone say bar?

Beautiful ladies

The boys

Some recent pics

Hello all I have some pics here from our camping trip, there will be more from the reunion and other things soon, I'm just heading off to work now.
The bum dancethe Dan dance


I love the water in this picture

on the river with my baby

HAHAH, we are ridiculas!

I thought this one was really cute

Mid summer

I am feeling like a new woman. Thank God. I went to the gym for the first time today after almost two months of inactivity. It felt fantastic. I ran into an old girlfriend that I haven't seen since high school so nearly 8 years ago was the last time I'd seen her it was cool. Mom we will come down on the 9th for Andre's birthday instead of this weekend. I work that Saturday but we'll come up after I'm done.

Still trying

Back to work but I now have a head cold. So I'm sneezing and coughing and have watery eyes. Oh well, what can ya do? I want to come and visit soon mom, so let me know when would be good for you. I'll manage the drive, we have Kassy this weekend, so I don't know if you would like us up this weekend or next. Just let me know. Have a good day all.

I'm feeling better now

So I just figured out how to upload pics on here. LOL. I'm a little slow on the uptake. I'm back to work after the surgery, I'm a bit sore but my stomach is healing up nicely. I'm hoping that there will be no scars but you never can tell.

I just want to say that Dan is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He came to the hospital and stayed with me and even slept by my side and kept me positive and encouraged me to stay strong. Without his help this ordeal could have been a lot more disastrous than it was, so thank you Dan for that. I love you!

Thank you all for your prayers they definately helped with the healing process. Love you all.

July

So as you all might know, I've had a little string of bad luck. I recently began sick with pain in my stomach and headachey and whatnot. I went to the hospital and found that I am pregnant, but not in the right place. So unfortunately I will not be carrying this child to term as it is ectopic. I'm doing ok now, it did take a few days to get over the initial shock and sorrow. All things happen for a reason and I am just happy this issue was found out before it could've damaged me further. Work is going well, it has been crazy busy just as figured. Home life is still stressful but hopefully things will start settling down soon.
The visit with Marieanne and Mike was great, to bad Anthony and Michelle couldn't be there at the same time. I love you all, and am keeping you in my prayers always.

Happy birthday Canada

On this long weekend, Dan and I went to Sandbanks camping, just the two of us. It was wonderful to get away for the night and have some alone time and we just had a blast. We wandered the park in the dark and Dan kept lighting fire crackers to "scare off the creepies" he said...hahah! He's so funny. We walked down to the beach and lay under the stars and talked and laughed. We spent the next day on the beach with some friends that came up and it was nice and hot the water was a bit cold but OK to jump in for a second. Now its Wednesday and back to work. We have a new phone coming out and the hype on it is ridiculous so we're going to be crazy busy.

Whats going on

Lately there has been a lot of stress in our lives. It's causing arguments and squabbles that are completely unnecessary. Dan and I are working through it its just difficult to put up with other peoples problems and then our lives on top of it all. Its hard work and the sacrifices are great but hopefully will be worth it in the end.
I just came back from white water rafting with my company and the trip was pretty cool. Some of rapids were really intense and I was scared a few times. At one point the back of the boat where I was, was completely submerged underwater as we were getting torn and pulled around. WOW. Major adrenaline rush.
We're hoping to get to the beach soon it has been warm enough for sure so maybe on Canada day or something, I think I'm off work that day. July will be great because of all the visiting we will be doing with you all. Go to moms on the 5th weekend, Dads bbq on the 11th and whatever else happens. Can't wait.

About work and home

I have just been referred to another DJ to design his logo as the first DJ I worked for ended up loving the completed version I had done. Referrals are great and I am hoping this takes off. Jaana and I haven't done much more with the book yet but I'm sure we will have a publisher before the end of the year.
Dan popped by my work today and took me out to lunch to Chez Piggy and we sat outside under an umbrella with flowers surrounding us it was picturesque. He has so much patience and I really applaude him for it as he is dealing much better than I with the stress we've been under lately. What a man! I feel very challenged lately and I like not having the mondane daily routine get to me. Lots more exciting things happening soon, visiting family, beach, fishing etc. All fun summer stuff.

Whats happening lately

The last week or so has been really stressful. I've been overwhelmed with the amount of things I'm having to do. We have a new member that has moved in with us (Dan's mom) so making our little home seem much smaller. We love having her don't get me wrong just cramped quarters. At work it's been stressful due a new team member who doesn't play along or work as a team which has caused work to become monotonous. Its easier when you like your job not when you loath going to work.
There has been lots of moving around of stuff and working on different things. I just feel stressed. Oh well ce la vie. Can't wait to see you all. MUAH! xox

Another Day Another Dollar

Haven't blogged since our trip and unfortunately not much has been going on. Dan's mom moved in with us temporarily she is happy to be closer to the family. I've been working a lot and its been busy but I like my job. I designed a logo for a DJ haven't given it to him yet but it should fly. Other than that just going on day by day. Love you all.

Weekend adventure

It was a fantastic weekend. My family was so great and we got to spend some wonderful time with them. After we left though I realized we didn't take any pictures, not at the park or anything...booo! Well when you guys come through Kingston we will do a photo shoot of sorts!
After we left Toronto we went to St.Catherines to visit Dan's mom and that was also very great! We had a few drinks and a nice meal and went to bed fairly early. Sunday we went to the Niagara indoor water park and that was a blast! I was frightened of a few of the slides but overall well worth it to go down.
Dan and I then went off on our own and wandered the streets looking for a tattoo parlor and finally found one and got matching tattoos. It's a viking symbol for love loyalty and passion, I will post some pics of them soon. We then had a nice meal at the Sheraton hotel restaurant and our table overlooked the falls it was quite romantic!
Monday we again walked around up and down and up and down Clifton hill and OMG my legs are so sore from that tour! Dan took Kassy to the fun place, haunted house and the crazy maze, while Joanne (Dan's mom) and I sat in the sun. It wasn't really that warm and so no sun block which then lead to my sunburn that I didn't know I had till today! HA!
So that was our little weekend adventure. I love you all and miss you already!

Counting down the days

This upcoming weekend is going to be fantastic. I'm very excited to see my whole family all together for the first time in awhile! It's also a special weekend because it's our one year anniversary. After Toronto we are heading to St.Catherine's to visit with Dan's mom and go to the indoor water park in Niagara. Dan and I are then going to have a private night with dinner and late night walk down by the falls. It's going to be a fun weekend. I can't wait. 4 days to go!

And as you can see from the new pics added here. We had a friend of ours come over and do a photo shoot of us as a family. She is a professional photographer and I think the pics turned out really nice. Enjoy!

New Place

This weekend was busy as we moved into our new two bedroom apartment. Dan's friends who were supposed to come over didn't, so Dan and I had to do all the moving ourselves. Some of our stuff is beyond heavy and lugging it up 5 flights was interesting and difficult. We are so sore but it was all worth it. There is much more room and now Kassy can have her own privacy in her own room. She will be down this weekend and is so excited to see it. I also now have a place for my art work so the living room isn't cluttered anymore. I can't wait to have visitors now because we will be able to make them comfortable while they stay.

New Month Again

We were supposed to be moving into our new apartment the beginning of this month but the place was a right off. So we're living amongst boxes and clutter because I packed and just patiently waiting for new carpet to be installed and walls painted and baseboards put in. At least it will be like a new place once we move in. Kassy has picked out her bedding and is super excited to have a room to call her own.
I have finally completed all the illustrations for the children's book! Jaana loves them, and to be honest I thought she would be more judgmental but she really really loved them. That made my day because she is a tough critic. We are now waiting for replies as to who wants to publish the book. Man, I could be an official illustrator. Soooooo happy!

Mother

She's lovely and beautiful in such a way

She'll lighten your heart when you hear her say

"I love you, how are you, good morning, goodnight"

She'll make you smile even in spite

of sadness or worry and you'll hear her say

"Cheer up grumpy, it's a lovely day"

What a lady my mother is

She never takes, just gives and gives

So much love she has for us all

She's strong, courageous and a wee bit small.

Mother of many hear us say

WE LOVE YOU MOM

Happy Mother's Day!

Art is beautiful

I've been working on a lot of stuff lately, really excited about it all. I finished doing the logos and cards for one company and they are thrilled with my work, which is great. I will soon begin working on this painting some friends of mine want, it's gonna be a tough one but they're paying me the big bucks for it so all time and effort worth it. I'm also in the last stages of completing that childrens book Jaana and I had begun over a year ago and we will then be trying to get it published....so excited!!!
Other than that, just getting our stuff organized for the move upstairs. I'm really hoping the apartment is cleaned because the previous tenents were pigs and it was a disaster last time I checked. I would hate having to clean up someone else's mess. At the end of the day life is good, we're broke but happy and thats all that matters.

Big move for everyone

So mom is waiting patiently for Simon and the kids to move up. I'm praying for you guys. Dan and I are also moving soon. Not quite as big of a move, we're only moving 3 floors up in the same building! LOL! We couldn't get a mortgage so now we decided to go with a two bedroom. We need the extra space for Kassy and my artwork; which by the way is picking up. I have sold another painting for $375! YIPPEE! I am also working on the entire stationary package for a up and coming renovations company! Yeah! So prayers and love to you all and I just hope things work out smoothly for you!

Love Story

Amazing it is to be in your arms

they enfold and keep me away from harm

I love your smell as I'm pressed into you

manly and loving your charm does subdue

my very being down to my core

the love I feel has such allure.

Wonderment and awe is what I feel

for the man from whom I can't conceal

anything I'd thought I had to hide

with him I sense so much pride

for being me, just myself

it's all I've wanted and nothing else.

Thank you Dan for entering my life

I hope one day to be your wife.

A wonderful moment

Today I had a feeling of such amazment in one moment I still cannot contain the smile it puts on my face. While at work I stepped outside and though it is fairly warm the rain started to trickle down gently. I suddenly heard music coming from somewhere and it was beautiful. It was some old song from the 20's or 30's, it sounded like Billie Holiday. It just created this...feeling of wonderment even though today wasn't much different than any other day.

Surprises!

I can't wait to reveal what has been going on with us lately! The one thing that I can talk about and that hasn't worked out is buying a house. It's really unfortunate that our credit isn't good enough because we make enough money and it's just such a waste paying rent every month. But God works in mysterious ways and maybe now isn't the right time. So we are praying and waiting till next year to go ahead with that endeavor.

On another note I have to say I am really really thankful for Dan; I can't say it enough because he is my rock, my knight in shinning armor. I go through these crisis' and feel so lost and alone and he is always there reminding me of his love and respect for me. I admire his candor and ability to make the world a beautiful place for me to live in with him. I love you all so much! Stay tuned!!!

Bump in the road

So like I figured we've hit a bump in our plans, but we are still working towards trying to get past it. Dan is so encouraging, I get bummed out and he reassures me that everything will work out. I know they will, it's just getting there that's sometimes frustrating. I hope and pray that you all are well and happy! Pray for us that we can move forward. Thanks!

April Showers bring May Flowers

So I am very excited to say that Dan and I are moving forward into a new era in our relationship. We have decided to quit being silly and really focus on growing up and getting it together. I'm thrilled but I won't go into any details of what we are doing until we do them, because there is always the chance of things not working out. Anyways, a good start to a new month! Its 12 degrees today and I'm excited for the warmer weather!

Month End

The weekend is upon us and I am still sick. It's hard to believe that this much crap can come out of one little nose. LOL! I'm a little like Rudolph cause my nose has changed to a nice red shade! We don't have any plans really this weekend, I'm just glad that we can entertain ourselves just by being with each other. We watched a few movies last night, majorly disappointed because there was so much hype about them and they weren't really that great! I am going to be painting this weekend on Sunday for sure, and I promise to take a few pictures of my last endevours so that you all can appreciate them as well. Oh and mom and family are moving up here! I am so happy and thankful that I will have everyone so close by. Hopefully we can spend lots of happy hours together. Overall March was a nice month, chilly and storm filled and of course there were the ups and downs, but I gave lots of love and had lots of love given to me. So lots to be thankful for!

Easter weekend

I am sick and feeling like poo. It was a long weekend, lots of driving back and forth from Kingston to NewBurgh to Brockville. It was very nice seeing family though. Jaana made a nice dinner at dads for Dan, Kassy and I. Unfortunately Mike was sick so Marieanne, Devin and Andre couldn't come up. Missed you guys. Then we headed out to Dans dads place. We didn't do much there just hung out a bit but it was good.

Dan and I spent a nice quiet Sunday together. We've come to nickname our Sundays "FAT SUNDAY" as we purposely try to do nothing but cuddle, eat and watch movies. Its great especially in winter cause I hate being out in the cold. This summer will be a different story. We don't have a boat this year but I really hope we can get out on the water and go to the beach and really appreciate the outdoors. Dan got spoiled last night by me, I had yet another day off so I spent the morning taking it easy, did a bit of cleaning. In the afternoon I went and did some grocery shopping and then laundry and came home and cleaned our place some more. Then I made dinner; a feat I do not attempt often. It was a hit, Dan was very happy that he didn't have to cook after work.

So now I'm back to work and reality and happy about it. I get bored if I stay home to long. I wish I had the motivation to do some painting as I have some fantastic ideas. Art is a funny thing, talent can only take you so far the rest is really up to how inspired you are in that moment.

Venting

I often think that things will just all fall apart, I feel that I am always setting myself up for disaster. It's a hard thing to describe because it's really all in my head. Especially when I don't have control of a situation, it frustrates me because I need stability and the only stability I've ever known is what I've created myself. So when these moments of no control happen I freak out that things aren't what I expected. I am somewhat high maintenance in that respect, because since I give every part of myself to something or somebody I feel I should get the same back. So when I don't, my life feels as though its gone to pieces. I feel unappreciated, but I shouldn't.
This is so difficult to write without sounding like someone did something horrible. Nothing bad has happened, its just the circumstances that frustrate me. I just want as much effort put into me as I put out. If I was to jump out on a limb for someone I would want them right there beside me. Does any of this make sense?
I'm just venting, I really am loved and appreciated most of the time, just these few moments of frailty shatter my dream. I guess I should get my head out of the clouds and look at the big real picture and quit exaggerating small inconveniences.

Slushed

I woke up this morning feeling sick and head achy. I still drove Dan to work and went to the gym. I got home and still wasn't feeling great but I pulled myself together somewhat and got ready to work. I started walking to work and I wiped out cause the sidewalks aren't cleaned from the last storm. My ankle a bit sore I started walking on the street cause it isn't slippery there. Most drivers going by me slowed down as to not splash me. Except one....this person...seemed to have sped up and soaked me with slush from head to toe! So sick, hurt my ankle and then got slushed....not the best way to start a day. Wish me luck for the rest of it.

Just an add on....this day actually got worse! I got off work and no sooner had I begun walking home I got a call from Dan that he had been hit in the head by a boulder at work. I rushed over to his site and we went to the hospital. We waited for 3 hours before he saw a doctor. Once we got in we had to be transfered to the other hospital so that Dan's head could be scanned. We tried to keep our spirts high as we waited at the other hospital another 2 hours. We joked that we needed to scan his cat rather than having a CAT scan. So after all was said and done he was cleared to go home. It was 1:30am by the time we got home and he was a bit slow witted but ok overall. Thank GOD!

Loving Life

I am so excited to hear another member of my family(Andre) is moving close by. I love that I will be able to see my siblings more frequently as I haven't been able to in past years. It's a blessing in so many ways! I have been incredibly happy the last few days, but before that I had another bout of depression which latest longer than normal, almost 3 days. Dan was very patient trying to understand why I get like that. It's unexplainable most times. It feels just like an overwhelming sadness with no particular cause. So, those dark feelings left, and I had the opposite feeling of happiness come over me that hasn't dissipated yet. Happy happy happy!

Nonsense

Sometimes I feel like my brain has shut down, there is no activity at all. It's silly but really, sometimes at work there is nothing to do and I truly have a brain fart (forgive the pun).
This is what's happening to me now! There are no customers and I have been reading my book and playing online but my brain just stops retaining anything and I go into this zombie like trance and have to force myself to do something...anything to wake up! HAHA! Not that this is important enough to share but hey I needed to do something to re-energize my mind. So WAKE UP BRAIN!

Brain is shut down must focus, wake up
I'm tired and mindless and in a slump
nothing to do work is a bore
maybe read or draw something
anything to allure
those little brain particles back into action
oh look a customer I can do a transaction
now he's gone what next to do
hmm.. let me think ahh.. a sudoku!

That just came to me...haha I'm funny!

It's the little things...

After having a beautiful 6 degree day, what does mother nature do just to let us know that winter is definitely NOT over? We get hit with an ice and snow storm, a mild one but still! I had to walk home in this last night, mind you its only a ten minute walk from work to home but when the wind is whipping against you with a wind chill of minus 7 degrees its a painful walk. I get a call from Dan when I'm a block away from home to see when I'll get there. As I walked through our front door, Dan runs up to me grabs my coat and bag and sets them down then proceeds to push me towards the bathroom, all the while taking off my clothes. I'm a little confused at this point wondering what he's up to. We turn into the bathroom and he's got a bath run for me with candles and some Michael Buble playing in the background! As soon as I lay in the tub he went running off somewhere and comes back with a little beverage for me. He had this little devilish grin, like he knew he had done good and was oh so proud of himself for having thought up this wonderful experience. I have said it before and will say it to the day I die, it's really these little things that make every day life so incredible. I marvel at the fact that I have found someone who appreciates these sweet gestures as much as I do. It's really quite amazing.

A few words that I like
Serendipity: an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident, good fortune; luck
Enchantment: a feeling of great liking for something wonderful and unusual; a psychological state induced by a magical incantation, a magical spell
Felicity: state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy

Undecided

I can't seem to make up my mind,

when a decision is there to be made.

I become confused and frustrated

cause my thoughts are not clearly displayed.

Confused as to why, my mind won't wake up,

its truly a mystery to me.

I want to try and decide on something,

anything really, you see?

Its not that I'm silly or stupid at all

I just don't know what to do.

When it comes to making decisions,

I'd rather leave it up to you!

copyright 2008-Christina Lavigne

March is here

So, I am happy that spring is coming. Winter is beautiful at times but really, enough is enough. It is 6 degrees today and I just got the whif of spring and it put a jump in my step. I heard birds chirping this moring and I couldn't believe how fast time is flying.
I just received notification that I am now a semi-finalist in the poetry competetion and I am so excited. I want to win so bad because I always make it into the top 10 but never win anything. So it would be amazing to actually win 1st place! So vote for me if you can on www.poetry.com!

Weekend adventure

This weekend that just past didn't quite turn out as we had hoped. Dan came down with a pretty high fever and was miserable. So we didn't get Kassy after all and we just spent the weekend cuddled up watching movies and getting him better. Work was interesting yesterday, we had a shop lifter come in and my boss Rob and I had to tackle her as she was thrashing about and trying to leave the store. I called the cops and we had our statements taken and whatnot. It made for a scary but eventful day. Dan wanted to make me a special meal as thanks for putting up with his sick self this weekend, so he went out and bought some sea foods and we had sushi and lobster and some ordurves of mussels and cheese, and of course some wine. What a guy! He spoils me and I feel oh so loved!

Just another day

So nothing much has gone on this week, lots of work and chores. This weekend both Dan and I have off and his daughter Kassy is coming down. We plan on taking her swimming and skating all on the same day. There is this community place that has lots of different activities and we thought this could be fun. I know its a strange combination, but hey we are Canadians and can handle it! Ha!
I have also just learned that I am going to be one of 200 poets chosen to be published in a book called "Best Poems and Poets of 2007" so its quite an honor. I have also been entered to win some cash prizes for my latest entries, very cool! If any of you want to view these poems they are all here on my blog or just type my name in the search poet field on http://www.poetry.com/. On this site you can also "rate" my work.
I will also upload some new photos from Valentines day and some other fun stuff as soon as I can. Love you all.

Valentines Day

So I accidentally erased my blog for Valentines day which is a pitty. But to sum it up, Dan and I spent a wonderful evening together with dinner at Greccos wine bar and we went ice skating with the snow gently falling and music playing in the background. All of which was quite romantic. He had got me a diamond studded dragonfly pendant and necklace and I had gotten him a leather banded roots watch. I love my gift especially cause he was so excited to give it me he woke up early and asked if I wanted it right away and jumped outta bed to grab it for me. He is a wonderful man and I am truely blessed to be with someone so sincere and honest with me.

Taking it all in

I realize I complain at times in writing but it is a good release for me, as I don't want to bottle it all up. I do apologize if I offend anyone with my rantings. Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately and am happy with the condition of my condition! Ha. Life is pretty sweet and I really should be completely content and thankful for all my blessings.
Dan and I spent a quiet evening watching a movie and he made catfish and we had a glass of wine. It was delicious! I love when he cooks for me, which is honestly almost every night. We have a deal going cause I hate to cook, that if he cooks I pretty much take care of everything else, like dishes and cleaning. I don't mind cause I am picky when it comes to cleanliness and need things done a certain way, so it all works out.
I finished another painting as well. This one is on four small canvases and it is a close up of a womans face done in black and white. It looks really cool once the canvases are split up cause you can't quite tell what you are looking at. Well, thats just another day in the life of me.

Distraction

Have you ever spent a day thinking about stuff that has happened, and you dwell and dwell on it so much to the point that it makes you feel sick and distracted from the things going on around you? I have that problem sometimes and I don't know what to do about it.
I have cleared up the issue and discussed it and come to a conclusion to resolve it, but even then, I can't stop thinking about it. I may have a problem of holding on to unnessecary nonsense just to have a form of chaos within me. The sad truth is, that chaos has been a part of my life for so long that I am now finding reasons to keep it. Its crazy though, cause I really don't have it in my life, so I'm creating it.
What I'm trying to learn is that people have grown up differently than I. They don't have the same morals or the same take on life as to what is appropriate and what is not. I just have this ideal about relationships I guess, maybe its not realistic, but then how do I deal with this without feeling let down?

Be True to Me

From the first moment I looked into your eyes,
I knew with you there'd be no lies.
No questions asked your word would stand
it was then I decided to hold your hand.
On through forever I thought we would be
honest and true, but it was then I did see.
A cover you'd thrown over my eyes
for it was your faults you tried to disguise.
You hurt my soul, broke my heart;
Was this your intention from the very start?
Now all faults out in the open, I want to
forgive you, but is there a token?
Of love respect and honesty,
to let me know you'll always be,
true to yourself, true to me?
Then and only then will I open my heart
to let you fill that empty part
that was broken but I hope you see,
you must be true to me.

copyright 2000 - Christina Lavigne

My 28th year

So here it is, my birthday has passed and I'm getting started on my list of things. I have already gotten myself a gym membership and have been working out daily. I have a scanner ready to be hooked up so I can begin to finish that kids book.
On another note; I have been thinking about some of the decisions I make and am disappointed in the actions I take at times. I wish I had more will power to stand up for myself and do what I want to do rather than follow the crowd. I usually say what I need to say, but there isn't any follow through. I have pretty good instincts but don't listen to them. I have learned I should because by not following my instincts I end up in situations I don't like. I begin getting angry with myself which then in turn makes me get angry at those around me. This is not fair to them as it is my fault and I need to take responsibility for my own actions.

Just some quotes I like

Change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. - Life as a house movie quote

An idea is salvation by imagination - Frank Lloyd Wright

I passionately hate the idea of being with it. I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time. -Orson Welles

Art is anything you can get away with. - Andy Warhol

Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools - Napoleon

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only with what you are expecting to give. Which is everything. - Katharine Hepburn

- To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. - Victor Hugo

Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart. - Jesus Christ

True friend

A good friend doesn't come around often
at least the ones who truely care
The ones who sacrifice their time to come to
your aid when no one else is there
Those are the ones you keep around
because only time will tell
if you'll be needed for their rescue
to be a good friend to them as well.

copyright 2008-Christina Lavigne

Dedicated to my friends, you know who you are.

In Love

One person has changed all things for me
Touched my heart and made me believe
that love is there waiting; just waiting for me
To see how life can truely be
Abstract, aware so inticing it is
Enthralled, I laugh just to kiss kiss kiss.
Mornings are great when a smile I see
Nights are better because arms enfold me
Love is here and here to stay
It makes me giddy and want to play
Play the fool play the part
Of a woman with a whole lot of love in her heart.

copyright 2008- Christina Lavigne

Nearing another year

I will be 28 in a week and am unsure of how I feel about this. I have made a lot of progress this past year. I have rid myself of most of the negativity and people who brought me down. I met Dan, I have a job I like and I am painting more than ever!
What I'm unsure of; well I just think I've let a lot of opportunity pass me by and I don't want to continue doing that. I am scared of failure, so scared that I just go day by day just being; rather than trying to be something better. I want to make my 28th year of living more than just another year. I have a goal list of achievements that I want to fulfill this coming year.
1. Finish the children's book that Jaana and I have started
2. Begin learning French
3. Take Dance lessons
4. Save $3000.00
5. Take a trip somewhere
This doesn't seem impossible to achieve now that I see it in type. So anyways, thats what I want out of this year, for myself. Of course there are personal achievements I want as well like learning more patience, learning to think before I speak, having more self-esteem, being confident in my relationship etc. Thats it, well here's to what I hope will be one of the better years of my life. I know who I am and I know what I want, thats the best start I can have!

Sadness

A sadness came over me this morning that is unexplainable. My heart feels heavy and empty. I want to understand where this depression comes from. It makes those around me sad or confused as to why I am this way. I truely can't explain it, I just feel it.
I feel like there is nothing in the world that could make me feel better and I want to just disappear. Nothing makes sense, all I want to do is cry.

Sadness again comes over me,
I feel at a loss as to why.
My soul aches and heart breaks,
I cannot find the strength to try.
Misery has been my blanket,
its been with me for so long.
I find it hard to think that,
I could ever be free from this wrong.
Is there any peace for someone like me?
Any hope for a rest from this pain?
One day I wish to be laughing and free
and never be depressed again.

Life and Death

I heard sad news today of my grandmother passing. It's strange to me because I have this saddness come over me even though I never really got to know her. Saddness because of death where there was life. I teared up for a moment, but the tears never fell. What does this mean? Does it mean she won't be missed? I think not. Every life has touched people in ways not ever known and she will be missed. My mother will miss her, her sons will miss her.
I hope this time of sorrow for those people close to her will go by and they will remember her as she was, a mother, a grandmother, a friend.

Living life

Yesterday was my day off and Dan and I went to get our poor little car fixed. We spent hours waiting around in the garage and then went for lunch. I love it that we can sit with each other and take in our companionship together without talking about useless stuff.
We seem to get an idea of what the other is thinking for the most part and often stare into each others eyes, mind you my eyes say a lot more than his. When I look at Dan I move over his face starting with his big brown eyes then onto his cheeks and his lips, his jaw. I love that he has masculine features but also has this softness to him that awes me.
When his eyes stare at me and they don't move over my face, they just seem to penetrate me and he says I say all I need to with my eyes. It's a marvalous wonder this thing we have between us, I'm so happy even when we are broke, even when things are difficult, he always finds a way to make me smile, and I can pick him up when he gets low as well. We balance each other so that we never are both down at the same time we take care of each other.

"Happiness is not the destination, but the journey."

That quote makes more sense to me now that I've stopped searching for happiness. Daily I think of all the things around me that I should appreciate and that I should be satisfied with. I used to be so negative and dwell on all things dark, I mean I still have that dark side and it mainly comes out in my art, but my overall daily living has improved. I truely believe that having someone who is supportive and confident and respectful in my life has changed me. He has made me look at myself differently, I am once again becoming confident and more self reliant. I love Dan so much, he's really my better half.

Walking through snow

So after work yesterday, my boyfriend Dan came so that he could walk home with me. The air was crisp and snow was falling gently. We held hands as he looked at me and said he doesn't get how cute I can be, which is probably the sweetest thing I've heard in awhile! As we continued walking down by the lake towards our place we were joking around and laughing I suddenly slipped hard and landed on my ass without spilling the drink I had in my hands! Both Dan and I broke out laughing so hard. It was quite humorous, the not so funny thing is the bruise now on my butt! Anyways, a fun way to end the evening.

Last night I had troubles sleeping. I was getting swamped with ideas for paintings and stories and whatever else. I tossed and turned all night, keeping poor Dan awake. So I finally gave up on trying to sleep and decided to finish up a painting of a fallen angel I had started. I can't wait to get more canvas, these ideas I had need to put down soon!!!

Another Day

Waking up and knowing that this day is not going to go as planned. Knowing that all things, especially luck will NOT go your way, makes it difficult to get out of bed. I am grateful that I have the few things around me to keep me sane. If I didn't the endless drama and chaos would have taken it's toll by now.
This quick description will give an insight into what living in my shoes would be like. Just beginning a new job so money not flowing in, my partner getting laid of for winter, bankrupt from previous misfortunes, barley making ends meet. This month is getting better so I get my hopes up and then...car breaks down! I almost laugh at all the mishaps and misfortunes in my life, most of which I will never devulge, but then I have to think about the good things and really stay positive for the blessings I have had.

An artists life

It has been said that art imitates life, it has also been said that life imitates art. I believe that art and creativity are directly linked to life because it is an expression, an understanding that gives us clues into realms not understood by daily living. By looking into a painting, hearing a beautiful song, seeing someone dance, you can find something within yourself. I find ideas and emotions in my mind that wouldn't be there unless I go to that place within me and breathe in the life all around. I become aware of the sounds and smells that are so intoxicating, I remind myself that all is good and that nothing is that bad to give up.

I have learned many things over the past few years that have taught me to appreciate the little things around me. I have learned to focus on being positive and surround myself with good people. I have finally found a man that is sincere and genuine and truely loves me for who I am. I am truely blessed to have gone through all that I have and survived to be here and say that there is definatly someone watching out for me.

"There is this entire life behind things, this incredibly benevolent force wanting me to know that there is no reason to be afraid...ever.
Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, and my heart's going to cave in..

My heart fills up like balloon thats about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

quote from American Beauty